Parenting Teenagers : Workshop for Parents

IF you have a teenager living in your home, you will find my workshop very useful.

 

My workshops are about learning practical skills that you can use everyday,

in REAL LIFE.

No philosophy, no lectures, no fluff, no clichés …. only practical knowledge and skills.

 

It is a TWO-DAY workshop that covers –

 

  1. Knowing you …knowing your spouse and other team – parenting styles and motivations.
  2. Knowing your teenager – Personality and what makes them tick and kick.
  3. Interactions – Between parenting team and with teenager – Communication Skills and NEGOTIATION SKILLS!
  4. Drawing Boundaries and guarding them – DISCIPLINE!
  5. Motivating your teenager
  6. Danger signs – don’t be blindsided … be alert and detect early.

 

What more can you need?  Join me for an interactive, skills-based workshop.

 

Dates – 25 & 26 August 2018 (Saturday and Sunday)

Time – 9.00am – 5.00pm (both days)

Venue – Hotel President, Off Karve Road, Pune – 411004

 

Fee Includes – Course Material, Breakfast, Lunch and Teas

 

Fees – INR 7650/- per person  (INR 13999/- for couple)

 

Contact No. : 9922994976 (sms and WhatsApp)

Self Hypnosis and Strengths Workshop : 18 & 19 August 2018

  • Learn to use your most powerful tool……. Your Mind!
  • Change the way you behave, think and feel
  • Learn to “delete” unwanted habits and patterns

 

And

  • Learn to “install” desirable habits and patterns
  • Reduce anxiety and negative thoughts
  • Know your nature given strengths and how to use them to be more effective and happy.

 

Learn “Self-Hypnosis”

Useful for everyone looking for an effective self-management skill.

Learn with dedicated peers and lots of opportunity to practice your skills under supervision.

Limited participants per course for individual attention and personalised learning.

This is an intensive course that involves practice of skills that you learn. There will be practice sessions for each component.

Course Content –

Day 1  –    

  1. Trance induction
  2. Deepening of trance
  3. Learning language of sub-conscious
  4. Control of Physical Functions – muscle relaxation, blood pressure.
  5. Dealing with anxiety and other negative emotions.

 

Day 2 –

 

  1. Understanding and changing damaging habits
  2. Future orientation – core of motivation
  3. Strength and weakness analysis
  4. Specific points for positive thoughts
  5. Positive habits and life change – one step at a time

Special Session on “voice modulation” by an expert

2-day Training Camp – 18th and 19th August 2018 (Sat & Sun)

Time – 9.00am – 5.00pm

Venue – Hotel President, Off Karve Road, Pune – 411004

Course fee includes – Learning material, strength assessment, certificate, breakfast, teas and lunch at venue.

PLUS one personal hypnosis session with Dr Shukla

 

Fees – INR 13,500/- per person

Payable by cash-less options – Bank Transfer, UPI, Cheque

 

Contact Dr Shukla on 9922994976 (sms and WhatsApp)

 

 

 

Performance Anxiety in Children

A child in a state of severe anxiety before exams is a familiar sight in every school, coaching class and mental health clinic.

Being well prepared and being one of the better students in the class somehow goes hand in hand with this form of fear.
These kids develop severe physical and mental symptoms of anxiety close to their exam. Even for trivial exams and assessments.
Stomach aches, headaches, vomiting, restlessness, sweating, breathing trouble, altered behavior to outright panic all symptoms are seen.
It is also customary to BLAME parents, schools and “system” for this phenomenon.
This is far from truth. Because there are other chilled out kids in the same system, school and even home. Same parents have two kids who are polar opposites. I have even seen one of the twins paralyzed by this anxiety and other being an iceberg!
Conventional and popular model of anxiety says that “external agents” are necessary for anxiety. This model is scientifically incorrect.
A large part of anxiety is driven “internally” !
This means that temperament of the child (inborn part of personality), epi-genetics (environmental factors unlocking or shutting down gene expression), and other biological components of their nervous system decide what will be seen as threat by them and how will body react to this threat.
There  is “learning” as well. High anxiety in near relatives in the family provides a model for perceiving and expressing threat / fear. Vulnerable children under influence of this model “learn” anxiety in early life and continue to unfold this program all through their life.
This is a scientific explanation of how anxiety develops and perpetuates.
Unfortunately our society has a distorted model of mind that can be described as “romantic” model. It assumes that everyone of us is equal and brilliant. Only circumstances de-compensate us. So this model focuses on changing “environment”
While changing the environment helps a bit, it does not eliminate generation of anxiety.
So treatment of this anxiety must include biological changes, environmental changes (mainly response of near family and school) , psychological training (coping mechanisms, thought change, etc).
Unless all three (bio-psycho-social) components are addressed , treatment is not effective. Contribution of each component varies in each case, it needs to be teased out and treated accordingly.
Romantic models that blame schools and parents for EVERYTHING that goes wrong are unscientific.  They undermine child’s best resource – Their family!
Many times anxiety is so severe and incapacitating that medications are needed to create ground for further family and psychological work.
Blind resistance to medications (sometimes for right reasons, but mostly out of misconceptions) keeps the child from getting appropriate help.
No single remedy (medicines, family training or psychological therapies) works except when anxiety is very mild.
I do hope that parents are not unfairly blamed for every anxious child.

World Autism Day 2018 : Spirit of Motherhood

On World Autism Day, lets pause to think about “mother” of the child. There is always one person who takes responsibility of the child with autism and in India almost always that person is child’s mother.

As soon as diagnosis of Autism is made she gives up most of her personal freedom, leisure time and career to give “best possible chance” to her child. I see them in clinic waiting rooms looking after kids, trying to implement communication, behavior and activity exercises as taught by the therapist.

There is no respite. Many times, they simply close their eyes and catch a nap when child enters therapy room with the therapist. I doubt if they ever manage to pay off the sleep debt they accumulate on an ongoing basis.

In consulting sessions, I have never heard a mother grumbling about the effort she has to put in. Their anger, frustration and sadness if often about the loneliness and thanklessness of the work.

Most of them, even after years of reading, have not absolved themselves of the guilt of having produced a child with difficulties. “Why this? Why me?” are the questions that they have to struggle to keep away.

Socialization almost disappears as it is better to stay away from insensitive relatives and impatient friends. Most try to find friends in other moms they meet at therapy centers.

As a psychiatrist, this isolation and selective socialization with other parents in similar difficulty is what I dread the most. Almost all discussions in these groups are about “autism”. Various therapies are discussed, a lot of them totally unscientific, some harmful.

Friends and relatives keep adding suggestions to the ever growing list of interventions and mother runs after all the leads “just in case”!

Effect of all this on mothers’ mental health is well documented. More than half develop chronic depression. Never get any help for fear of further stigmatization.

And I wont even get started on what all this does to their marriage….

On this world autism day lets celebrate and bow to the spirit of motherhood that carries this herculean burden with a smile.

#India

Thoughts on Women’s Day

 

I spoke at women’s day celebration at Kalmadi Highschool on 13 th March 2018
Mothers of school students were my audience.
I emphasized following points –

1. Women need to offer genuine friendship to other women. A person to laugh with is a huge bulwark against loneliness and other difficult emotions.
2. While women are constantly pushed to “conquer” more areas of life traditionally occupied by men, they need to consciously give up traditional women areas like child rearing, cooking, “looking after” household, caring for sick relatives, etc. Otherwise it will be a double whammy of responsibility for them.
3. Guilt and shame are tools of enslaving women. Women must desist using them on other women.
4. Adulation of women achievers for their “culinary skills”, “devotion to family” is a stab in the back. A woman who is holding a day job doesn’t NEED to go after being all rounder.
5. All traditional women deities with multiple hands hold only one category of instruments in all hands. Durga doesn’t sport a flower, a fiddle or a book! No deity sports babies and cooking utensils. – If our goddesses are happy with one job, why should we try to be “all in one” . It is a trap. Walk out of it without an iota of shame.
6. Make sure that men are equal partners in hardwork.

A confident woman who is not ashamed of her abilities is an attractive person.

And last point – if your kids are happy feeding at the hands of your mother in law, don’t feel bad. They getting fed is important. You will outlive her anyway and will have enough time to shower love on those ungretful brats.

Just chill.